MONTREAL — Minister of Public Safety Steve Blaney has accused Justin Trudeau of being a radical Islamist after the Liberal leader allegedly purchased, and consumed, a Middle Eastern dish known as “shawarma.”
“It is completely unacceptable that Justin Trudeau would associate with a sandwich that allegedly fuels radical jihad both here in Canada and abroad” said Blaney. “We know for a fact that home-grown terrorists have consumed shawarma to fuel their bodies and their evil deeds. Is it possible that shawarma sauce – which for clarity I’ll refer to as muhammad’s mayonnaise – had some role to play in turning them into mindless killing machines? Look, I’m just asking questions”
“In conclusion” said Blaney, turning to his notes, “Justin Trudeau is a radical muslim terrorist who will smoke pot as ISIS fighters murder everyone you’ve ever known or loved. Thank you.”
Questioned about the alleged tie between radical jihad and a sandwich that is essentially identical to a gyro or kebab in all but name, an official from Steve Blaney’s office provided a research memo that was simply a print out of the wikipedia page for shawarma with the words “Arabic” and “hummus” highlighted.
At press time Julian Fantino was instructing his staff to create an image of Trudeau’s wife in a “turban, or burka, or whatever.”
