BARRIE, ON – Dr. Frank Lilles, 47, known for his outspoken refusal to take a prostate test, as he perceived the test to be homosexual in nature, died of prostate cancer yesterday. Many in t…
Health
12-year-old can’t figure out why parents hugging him more since trip to the doctor
REGINA, SK – Ever since his trip to the doctor two weeks ago, Josh Barnabey, 12, can’t figure out why his parents are hugging him a lot more than usual. “They keep patting my head and givin…
Fist-bump proclaimed top broclamation
EDMONTON, AB – After months of data collection, 3000 hours of simulation tests, and a research endowment of over $450,000, top anbropologists at the University of Alberta have proven that t…
Report: Smoking still kinda cool if smoker attractive
BALTIMORE, MD – Researchers from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine published a report earlier this week which finds that smoking is still kinda cool, provided the smoker in question is attract…
Health Canada politely asks Canadians not to fall sick anymore
OTTAWA, ON – In a public statement made Monday morning, Health Canada officially asked Canadians if, before getting sick, they might first consider not getting sick at all. “Given the monumental …
New study links depression to sharing office space with Dave
MONTREAL – According to a report released by McGill’s Institute for Mental Health, the leading cause of depression among working Canadians is shared office space with Dave Sheppard. “Nine t…
Heroic battle against cancer cut short by recovery
A woman’s courageous battle against cancer was cut short due to a speedy recovery, hospital doctors reported yesterday. “She’s healing quicker than expected,” explained Dr. Teeple of his patient,…
Hand-washing apparently still too complicated for 90% of the population
OTTAWA – Despite countless campaigns, television ads, posters, and educational programs, only a small portion of the Canadian population seems to have grasped the concept of washing their h…
Jogger decides to sprint
BURNABY, BC – 32-year-old jogger Walter Finnesky made the decision to run faster on Tuesday. “I was puttering along, and this kid rides by so slowly on a bike,” Finnesky said. “So I picked …
