Health Canada politely asks Canadians not to fall sick anymore - The Beaverton

Health Canada politely asks Canadians not to fall sick anymore

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OTTAWA, ON – In a public statement made Monday morning, officially asked Canadians if, before getting sick, they might first consider not getting sick at all.

“Given the monumental strain already being placed on the Canadian health care system, we feel Canadians’ only remaining option is to not even entertain the notion of getting sick. Ever,” stated Health Canada minister Leona Aglukkaq. “With Canadians no longer succumbing to any future illness or injury, we project that by 2035 Health Canada can eventually catch up to the crippling backlog of patient care we are currently just barely managing to provide.”

Aglukkaq later added, “If you do have to get sick – and I mean really have to – you could always receive medical attention by getting yourself sent to a jail. We’re gonna have plenty of those soon enough.”