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BARRIE, ON – Dr. Frank Lilles, 47, known for his outspoken refusal to take a prostate test, as he perceived the test to be homosexual in nature, died of prostate cancer yesterday.
Many in the medical community blamed his refusal to get tested as a contributing factor. Dr. Lilles remained unrepentant until his dying day. He bragged that, “Dying like a real man is certainly preferable to being saved by a sodomic test.”
Dr. Lilles was always very proud to have never eaten a banana, or hot dog. He shunned salami and all other vaguely phallic foods. In the 1990s, he also petitioned the National Boxing Council to have boxers fight with shirts on.
He lived as he died, anally defensive. His last words were written on his tombstone: “I may not have passed the prostate test, but I am proud to have passed the heterosexuality test with flying colours.”
