BERLIN – The German Medical Association has announced the immediate and unanimous revocation of the license to practice medicine of Dr. Oetker. “This has been many years coming. We find it shocki…
Dumb Week
In memoriam: The gloves we lost in 2019
We lost some of humanity’s best gloves and mittens in 2019. Here are just some of the best hand covers that we said good-bye to: Sheep leather glove (left hand) – Lost at the airport …
Man trapped in endless loop of diving into infinity pool
EDMONTON – Jacob Quinn, a guest at the Mirage hotel is currently entering his third hour of diving into the infinity pool. “I just waited for him to come up from the water, but he never did…
Antarctic glacier heard you like your seawater on the rocks
ANTARCTICA – After listening to humanity’s actions and proclamations for the past 60 years, a local Antarctic glacier took the hint and started preparing Earth’s seawater to be served on th…
Tyler, the Creator to battle Tyler, the Destroyer
LOS ANGELES – Amidst the Field of Trials located deeply within the Destiny Shroud, 4,000 trumpets sounded as rapper and alt-hip hop star Tyler the Creator emerged from the foggy deeps to fight hi…
BREAKING: Narwhals are real, apparently
GREENLAND – In an announcement that is still taking some time to process, scientists confirmed once and for all yesterday that narwhals are apparently actual animals that really exist, and aren’t…
Choking man with fantastic abs impossible to Heimlich, dies
VANCOUVER – Sexy, muscular tragedy struck today as local man Harrison White choked on a piece of locally-sourced, environmentally conscious hamburger. His rippling abs prevented the Heimlic…
Pornhub leak reveals most of their actors are not actually step-siblings
MONTREAL – Porn enthusiasts are reeling after an information leak at Pornhub has revealed that most of the actors on the site who claim to be step-siblings are not related at all. “I just f…
Political correctness is waging the War on Boxing Day
BY: JIM MARSHALL It’s that time of the year again where millions of Canadians come together on this sacred day spent either lounging, shopping, or in deep reflection on its meaning. You’ll hear t…