TORONTO – In celebration of the launch of the new ‘Baby Pink Anarchy’ flavoured Mountain Dew Kickstart, 17 lucky winners are having their home births sponsored by Mountain Dew. “Our brand i…
Business
China now outperforming U.S. at economic meltdowns
BEIJING – Following decades of surpassing the United States in education, manufacturing, and international trade, China is now outperforming its American rivals at economic meltdowns. “It’s super…
RBC unveils new savings account to pay for banking fees
TORONTO — Canada’s largest, most profitable bank announced today customers can now open a high interest savings account solely reserved for paying the bank’s lavish charges and fees. “RBC w…
87% of Nation’s receptionists agree: Mr. Johannsen not available at the moment
WINNIPEG – A recent country-wide survey of the nation’s receptionists has revealed that 87% of them agree that Mr. Johannson, Vice President of Marketing and Analytics, is not available at …
Airlines announce disruptive children to be checked into cargo
TORONTO – Airline passengers easily annoyed by rambunctious children are sighing in relief after numerous Canadian airlines announced they will now require all disruptive children to be che…
New edition of Slip ‘N Slide comes with built-in rocks
EMERYVILLE, CA – A classic summer toy for children, the Slip ‘N Slide is getting a 21st-century makeover, with the new design featuring built-in chunks of stuff that hurts the human body. “…
Starbucks to add coffee large enough for customers to climb inside, immerse selves, forget everything
SEATTLE – Starbucks has announced the addition of a new beverage size to the Starbucks menu, one that is large enough for customers to scale, climb inside, and forget everything happening i…
Wynne promises sale of Hydro One won’t cause problems until she’s out of office
TORONTO – Coming on the heels of criticism of her government’s proposed sale of 60 percent of Hydro One, Premier Wynne has reassured the province it is a move that will only cause trouble ‘…
New generation of e-cigarettes will provide authentic cancer experience
CANADA – In a recent breakthrough by electronic cigarette manufacturers the next generation of e-cigarettes on the market will cause cancer and other complications, giving what distributors…
40 minute hold with Rogers ends exactly as man starts to urinate
KITCHENER, ON – Well over half an hour into the hold Jason DeMark was placed on by Canada’s largest cable and wireless provider, his need to go to the bathroom finally overwhelmed him and he bega…
