INTERNATIONAL – Following an early morning noogie and a brutal shoe-lacing before lunch, the USD is spending its recess telling the CAD to stop hitting itself.
“Stop hitting yourself, weirdo” said the USD, slamming the CAD’s figurative hand into their figurative face. “Hey Pound Sterling, come look at the weirdo who won’t stop hitting itself.”
The CAD reported that the bullying has been a regular occurrence since early last year but has worsened in recent months, with the USD supposedly threatening to give the CAD a swirly if it falls below 0.7.
“I try to keep the CAD out of trouble,” said Jim Yong Kim, president of World Bank Group and a teacher at International Market Primary. “But sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s best for them. Some days they want to be independent and play with their oil in a corner alone, and on others they’re joining the TPP just because all the other kids are.”
Sources revealed that part of the CAD’s problem interacting with others has been trouble at home in the past, with their parent Canadian Economy having recently left partner of ten years Stephen. However, the CAD has now found a new father-figure, Justin, who purchased them a bike and frequently takes them to park to play catch.
“I want to raise their confidence with the other currencies,” said Justin. “We’re looking to sign them up for a soccer team, diversify the economy. That kind of thing, you know?”
Experts, however, assert that this change will take time, and the Australian dollar remains the only currency that will sit with the CAD at lunch.
