EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has announced $2 million more in savings for government coffers after firing the police officers investigating him on suspicion of murder. “Making co…
Alberta
Alberta legislation permits health care workers to religiously sacrifice patients
EDMONTON – Alberta’s UCP government has hastily passed legislation to permit health care workers the right to make human sacrifices to appease their respective deities. The Conscience…
Alberta to be represented in Liberal cabinet by empty cowboy hat
OTTAWA – With no MPs from either Alberta or Saskatchewan, sources indicate that Western Canada will be represented in the Trudeau cabinet by an empty Calgary White Hat. The 10-gallon hat, f…
Kenney cuts support for handicapped to fund task force into why people think he’s an asshole
EDMONTON – In his first budget, Premier Jason Kenney has cut the basic income support for handicapped people and redirected the millions saved to fund a public inquiry into why people think…
Wexit movement inspired by how smoothly Brexit is going
EDMONTON – After the federal election results left many in western Canada feeling disappointed and alienated, a separatist movement has emerged online under the banner of “Wexit”, inspired …
Alberta economy makes transition to renewable sources of anger
CALGARY – With Prime Minister Justin Trudeau winning the most seats in his second election, Premier Jason Kenney’s UPC government as well as many oil and gas companies have started to make …
Alberta passes law prohibiting females under 18 from speaking without a license
EDMONTON – The Alberta government has pulled an all nighter hammering out a new law that forces all females under the age of majority to apply for and receive a government license before ex…
“Just make oil prices leap to $120/barrel, and it will end,” says Jason Kenney waterboarding environmentalist
FORT McMURRAY, AB – After pouring a bucket of water over the head of a suspected environmentalist to simulate drowning, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney again demanded his chained captive raise…
12 suspected vegans arrested in latest anti-Alberta energy inquiry raid
EDMONTON – An early morning raid on a vegan restaurant in downtown Edmonton has lead to the arrest of 12 suspected vegans for anti-Alberta energy activities. The seven women and five men ar…
Alberta schools to avoid provincial cuts by pretending to be an oil sands company
EDMONTON – In response to a report that called for dramatic cuts to health care and education to balance the budget, Alberta’s schools have already started rebranding themselves after oil s…
