TORONTO – As part of TFC Awareness Month, the players of the Toronto Football Club have begun door knocking across the Greater Toronto Area. “Hi there! My name is Jozy Altidore. Have you he…
Trudeau announces Canada to partner with NASA to send Jody Wilson-Raybould to moon
SAINT-HUBERT, QC – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced Thursday that Canada would be partnering with NASA to put Judy Wilson Raybould in orbit around the moon. “Judy Wilson Raybould is …
Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Sources report thirty year old Caitlin Barnes is “pretty laid back” despite the very real possibility a single tweet could incinerate the world in a massive radioactive in…
Girlfriend’s relative thinks they can add you on Facebook just like that
HOME – In an act of what can only be described as massive presumption, Sheila de Souza, 53, a person that your girlfriend has confirmed is a member of her family, has sent you a friend requ…
Loyalty! This man signed up to support Doug Ford even though he’s dead
It’s election time in Ontario and Ford Nation is fired up! One man from Etobicoke is doing his part in the face of incredible adversity, and it’s inspiring AF! Darryl Homesworth signed up to be a…
Life Hack: This millennial is retiring early by being born in 1954
Millennials have had a rough ride. And while early retirement may seem impossible to the young demographic taking over the workforce, this millennial has figured out a quick and easy shortcut to …
Doug Ford promises wife he’ll read just one more policy brief before heading to bed
TORONTO – Saying that it was important he “knew all the facts” before another day on the campaign trail, Ontario PC leader Doug Ford paused the Mozart he was listening to, put down his Earl…
“It’s gone, it’s all gone” says Ontario auditor general staring into glass of whiskey
TORONTO – After silently going through most of a bottle of Crown Royal, Ontario auditor general Bonnie Lysyk released her pre-election report, stating that contrary to numbers released by t…
Believe me, the feeling is mutual
By: Kathleen Wynne Look, you may think I’m aloof, cocooned in my Toronto bubble. But I’ve seen the same poll numbers you have. According to Forum and Ipsos-Reid, Ontarians overwhelmingly loathe m…
Ontario Liberals blow $105 million at the track after blowing $105 million on horse racing industry
FORT ERIE, ON – Ontario Finance Minister Charles Sousa has lost $105 million in wagers after announcing a $105 million annual investment in the horse racing industry. “Come on! Come on!” ch…