Team: Winnipeg Jets Mascot: The guy outside the arena still talking about Teemu Selanne’s rookie year. 2013-14 Season: Good enough not to leave again Key Additions: For some reason Winnipeg, the …
Friend’s sense of self-worth measured in ‘likes’
HAMILTON, ON – Local communications officer Amanda Pilith measures her value to society in terms of how many ‘likes’ she receives on Facebook posts for her random musings, attempts at witti…
Toronto Maple Leafs: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs Mascot: An empty Platinum level seat 2013-14 Season: The Leafs managed to take the dramatic third period collapse in their Game 7 loss to the Bruins from the previous ye…
Costly feasibility study determines city of Toronto should be scrapped
TORONTO – After performing an in-house audit and hiring several third party firms to a total cost of over $683 million, the City of Toronto has determined it is too expensive to continue an…
Paul Calandra answers questions about Iraq with squash soup recipe
OTTAWA – Paul Calandra recited ingredients from his favourite squash soup recipe this morning after he was asked by NDP leader Tom Mulcair to give information about Canada’s deploymen…
MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a mean…
NFL to nation’s women: ‘Please stop letting our star players assault you’
NEW YORK – Citing the need to correct longstanding issues within its organization, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, along with coaches from across the country, pleaded with the nation’s wome…
William and Kate confirm: ‘we just can’t stop boning’
LONDON – With the news of a second baby on the way, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed they both “really like boning.” “We are very pleased to announce that our co…
Canadian actors excited to meet real celebrities at TIFF
TORONTO – As the Toronto International Film Festival is set to get under way, Canadian stars are nervously awaiting their chance to finally meet real-life American celebrities. “I play poke…
Harper: ‘But there are so many aboriginal women that aren’t missing’
OTTAWA – Addressing concerns over comments made earlier this week regarding the death of 15-year-old Tina Fontaine, Harper told reporters yesterday that, while aboriginal women are 3.5 time…
