KITCHENER, ON – Fed up with the 9-3 grind, fourth grader Tim Eldow has decided to call it quits and search for a better life. “The whole lifestyle just wasn’t doing it for me anymore,” the …
Couple attending different online colleges decide they will try to make it work
GUELPH, ON – Faced with different online colleges and the strain it might place on their relationship, high school sweethearts Jeff Breadle and Stacey Middlenan have decided to try and make…
Canadian penny gets the boot
Ottawa will phase out the Canadian penny later this year because it costs 1.6 Canadian cents to produce each coin. What’s your say? “This might be the big break my uncle needs to create int…
Anybody want to come over this weekend to help me balance the budget?
By Finance Minister Jim Flaherty Hey hey it’s that time of year again! Old J Flarez is throwing another one of his EPIC help-me-balance-the-budget parties. This party is going to be off the…
God can’t remember what ‘terrible’ thing He’s supposed to do this year
HEAVEN – Although He knows He’s responsible for doing something really big and terrible this year, God, Almighty Creator of the Universe, can’t remember what it is. “I kno…
Dozens hospitalized in quest to fry world’s largest beaver tail
GATINEAU, QC – Dozens have been hospitalized in Gatineau county yesterday following a failed attempt to fry the world’s largest beaver tail. Town residents were looking to make the re…
Nudity is awesome, declares team of all male scientists
TALLAHASSEE, FL – A groundbreaking new research study released by a team of all male scientists has revealed that nudity, long considered taboo and shameful, is actually “quite awesome.” Th…
12-year-old can’t figure out why parents hugging him more since trip to the doctor
REGINA, SK – Ever since his trip to the doctor two weeks ago, Josh Barnabey, 12, can’t figure out why his parents are hugging him a lot more than usual. “They keep patting my head and givin…
