WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the White House hosts an Ultimate Fighting Championship event on its South Lawn, several competitors who are paid to issue and receive concussions expressed concern ab…
Danielle Smith announces Fall referendum on the concept of referendums
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has announced a Fall referendum on the general notion of referendums, including what they are, what if any questions they could ask, and why Alberta Sepa…
Canada ends agonizing three-year Walter Cup drought
MONTREAL — The Montreal Victoire have won the PWHL’s Walter Cup, ending an excruciating three-year period where the championship resided south of the border. “I’m honoured to have helped bring a …
Alberta separatists separate Albertans from their privacy
EDMONTON — The Centurion Project, an Alberta separatist organization, has been accused of illegally accessing the personal information of nearly three million voters, in a patriotic display of se…
Canada uses new sovereign wealth fund to buy Saudi Arabian soccer team
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “…
Alberta announces move to 1950s time
EDMONTON — After weeks of speculation, Alberta’s United Conservative government has announced that the province will be moving to the 1950s on a full-time basis. “Many Albertans just aren’t comfo…
Blue Jays to honour the moment Joe Carter chose a Rogers phone plan
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays have announced plans to honour franchise legend Joe Carter with a statue depicting the iconic moment when Carter locked in a 100 GB mobile plan for himself and up …
Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
CALGARY – Once again, the murderous work of the serial killer known as the Marlborough Mauler has been interrupted by his 4-year-old house cat, Ruffles. “Aw, jeez, Ruffles, not there,” the Mauler…
Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor
CALGARY – According to sources embedded in downtown barbershop Close Shave, Dennis Elrich is worried his cut hasn’t gone as planned after he spotted a big, sloppy chunk of his right ear hit the f…
Alberta organizes banned book buyback to keep streets safe
EDMONTON – As part of Alberta’s efforts to prevent minors from viewing books with sexual content, the province has announced a buyback of all restricted and challenging literature. “From A Handm…
