BOSTON – Boston Bruins enforcer Shawn Thornton was suspended for 15 games after a brutal attack in which he repeatedly struck Penguins defenceman Brooks Orpik in the face with his fist in a…
Jewish coworker given menorah for Secret Santa
LONDON, ON – During the office’s yearly exchange of Secret Santa gifts, Daniel Cohen, a Jewish HR manager, received one small menorah from associate-VP of marketing, Karen Welsh. “Well isn…
Man that survived three days in boat air-pocket can’t adjust to non-air-pocket life
LAGOS – Months after being rescued from an air-pocket in an Atlantic shipwreck, Nigerian cook Harrison Odjegba Okene has decided that he’s not cut out for life on the “outside” anymore. “Th…
Local couple saving to afford dream divorce
AURORA, ON – After two kids and 15 years of marriage, Pam and John Harris have begun saving up to afford the best divorce proceedings money can buy. “This is a real priority for both of us,…
Canadian math teachers can’t calculate why math scores are dropping
OTTAWA – a recent international survey of mathematical performance by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) has concluded that Canada’s students are only t…
Kinky vegan wants to be treated like a piece of meat-flavoured tofu
VANCOUVER – Hanna Morency, 37-years-old, has a fantasy to be sexually humiliated and degraded to the point of being morally equal to processed soy that imitates but not quite duplicates une…
Oscar in memoriam race heats up
Beaverton Flogger (film blogger) Mickey Dinke has all the latest deets on the celebri-deaths making waves in 2013 It’s that time of year. The weather is turning, Oscar Season is upon us, and elde…
BREAKING – Police recover video of Vancouver Mayor smoking what appears to be salmon
VANCOUVER – Following months of speculation, Vancouver Police Chief Jim Chu held a press conference today where he confirmed the existence of a cell phone video taken months ago, on which V…
Stephen Harper loses virginity
OTTAWA – After a wild night of tea and overly competitive Boggle, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper retired to his residence at 24 Sussex Drive with his wife Laureen, where he made lov…
