TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, have expressed their shock at the information that they are within their rights to fire the executive team of M…
Conservatives promise that, if they’re elected, your parents will reunite, your fav tv show will be uncancelled and McDonald’s will bring back pizza
OTTAWA – Continuing with their vision of the utopia Canada will be if they are elected, the Conservatives have announced that, within weeks of them taking over government, your life will ba…
Your household budget if it was made by Metrolinx
Metrolinx, the entity whose approach to completing the Eglinton LRT is most accurately comparable to George R.R. Martin’s approach to finishing the A Song Of Ice And Fire books, has raised …
Leafs announce that making Matthews captain is the best way to distract fans from fact they haven’t made any significant roster changes again
TORONTO – In a press conference scheduled for Wednesday, the Toronto Maple Leafs are expected to announce that, after much deliberation, they believe giving Auston Matthews the captaincy is…
Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus
OTTAWA – Local woman Marlene Kovach has decided to wait to return all her calls until she can do so in the middle of a bus full of other people. “Sure I could call my mom when I get h…
10 more accurate insults for Pierre Poilievre than ‘weird’
In a “let’s just do what our American counterparts are doing but worse’ move that would make even Canadian tv broadcasters jealous, the Liberals are trying to take the weird ins…
Embarrassed FIFA announces that Canadians can only use their left feet during quarter-finals
PARIS – After Canada overcame their 6 point deduction during the group stage by going 3-0, Fifa officials have announced that the Canadian women’s soccer team will only be allowed to …
Franchise with amazing fans, likeable superstars determined to become league villains
EDMONTON – The Edmonton Oilers announced the hiring of Stan Bowman, the Blackhawks executive who helped cover up the sexual abuse of Kyle Beach by assistant coach Brad Aldrich, as part of t…
Trudeau assures Liberals they just need to ride out this 28 month polling dip
OTTAWA – Facing pressure to step aside, beleaguered Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has encouraged his party’s MPs to hold and see if they can just wait out their current 2 plus years o…
Report: Whatever you need to do to mentally prepare yourself for a second Trump Presidency, go ahead and get started
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Joe Biden’s debate performance and Donald Trump surviving an assassination attempt, a report from the University of Toronto political sciences departm…