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TTC driver blames ‘shitty fucking TTC’ for being late to work
TORONTO – Longtime TTC streetcar driver Morris Stollery was late to start his shift on Wednesday, a fact he blamed on Toronto’s poor public transportation system. “The transit s…
Keyword term “google” number one most searched item on Bing for 28th straight month
REDMOND, WA – Microsoft’s search engine Bing revealed its most searched items for the month of January, with the search phrase “google” coming in first a record 28th strai…
Harvey’s employee refuses to make burger Stephanie’s ‘stupid fucking’ way
BOWMANVILLE, ON – Long time Harvey’s employee Rick Mauran is facing an internal employment review, and possible disciplinary action, after he refused to make a burger to customer Stephanie Harris…
Mustachioed pediatrician doesn’t understand why business is slow
KAMLOOPS, BC – Longtime pediatrician Dr. Lester said he had “no idea” why parents had stopped bringing their kids to his children’s health centre, despite having recently …
Study: 83% of human bodies ‘pretty gross’
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at the new Human Studies Institute of the world famous CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced today the results of their study into the human body, revea…
Closing of local Tim Hortons finally convinces residents their town is horrible
CORNWALL, ON – Tim Hortons closed its only Cornwall branch earlier this week, causing locals to suddenly realize how terrible their hometown is. “I don’t think we can recover from thi…
Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee
Toronto, ON – Pizza Pizza, one of the largest pizza chains in North America, announced yesterday that, for the first time in the company’s 52 year history, it had hired an employee of Italian des…
