EARTH – The entire population of the planet has announced this week that it intends to simply lie down for a little nap until all the evil, violent, and hate-filled things that occur daily disapp…
Local father already owns every possible tie
WOODSTOCK, ON – Local father Chuck Lowridge has announced that he will not be celebrating Father’s Day this year as he has already been given every possible necktie over the past thirty years. “M…
Scotch distillers admit all scotch actually tastes the same
GLENKARNEY – An unexpected development occurred Tuesday at the Annual Scotch Distillery convention in Glenkarney, Scotland when the collected distillers revealed that all scotch everywhere has co…
CBC vows to wait 4-6 weeks before even thinking of rehiring Ghomeshi
TORONTO – In the wake of sexual assault allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and his subsequent criminal trials and peace bond, the CBC has firmly avowed that they absolutely will not even consider …
‘Smoking actually not that bad for you,’ say cool scientists who hang out behind the lab
WATERLOO – In an astounding announcement made by the popular clique of scientists that hang out behind a Waterloo cancer research laboratory, cigarette smoke has been found to be less of a health…
St. Patrickk’s Dayysydy iS toFdAYyyyy!
TORORNNTO? – Hey! Hey everybody! Local reportings told me today that today is St. Patrick’ss dayys! Yeah! HELL YEAH! According to this guy encountered at this bar that serves really, really great…
Canadian Screen Awards occur
TORONTO – Scattered reports coming in from across the country appear to verify that the Canadian Screen Awards happened last night in Toronto, putting to rest modest public speculation. Although …
Scientists successfully create new Kardashian
LOS ANGELES – Scientists working out of the National Centre for Celebrity Research have recently announced the successful creation of another Kardashian sibling. The newest member of the brood, a…
Facebook sad face a real time-saver for those expressing condolences for dead grandmother
BURLINGTON – Users of popular social networking site Facebook are warmly receiving the new reaction icons that replaced the “Like” icon previously featured on the site, noting they are particular…
Pixar unveils next movie: two-hour, uninterrupted shot of a kitten’s funeral
LOS ANGELES – In a bold move that has stunned film enthusiasts, animation juggernaut Pixar announced its next major release will simply be one long take of the funeral of a family’s cherish…
