EDMONTON – Attempting to seduce his girlfriend after a garlic-heavy dinner, local man Spencer Jones helped himself to some of the lozenges that he found beside her bed- a decision sources s…
Police arrest Montréal mayor for being short on police bribes
MONTRÉAL – Montréal’s mayor Michael Applebaum was apprehended this morning after falling short on his kickbacks to the police. “We gave him 24 hours to come up with more money” said Chief Inspect…
A day of reckoning will come for the tyrants at Douglas Mini-Putt and Go-Kart Track
By Mitch Clattenberg Brothers and Sisters; hark and listen as the glorious flutes of liberty herald the sacred ballet of popular uprising! We must cast off the shackles of servitude and bathe in …
Local man fired for accidentally dressing like a pirate
HALIFAX – The unfortunate coincidence of laundry day with casual friday has left local man Derek Hines out of work and unwittingly dressed as a buccaneer. “I didn’t really have any clean cl…
Werner Herzog signs on to direct The Hangover pt. IV
LOS ANGELES – Despite being known as a documentarian and art-house cinema producer, German filmmaker Werner Herzog has signed on to direct the latest installment of the Hangover franchise. …
Rob Ford fired by high school, forced to fall back on mayoral gig
TORONTO – After being let go from his dream job coaching the Don Bosco Eagles, local man Robert Ford has been forced to rely on his secondary source of income as mayor of the City of Toront…
Canadian TV execs can’t wait to cancel this year’s original programming
TORONTO – Canadian TV executives are very excited to once again greenlight, produce, and cancel this year’s original programming, inside sources report. “Crushing the dreams of Canadian art…
Everything just too soon for local man after Leafs’ loss
TORONTO – After the Leafs’ loss in game 7 overtime, local man Tate Rae has told family and friends that he needs time to come to terms with the life-shattering event. “It just doesn’t seem …
Toronto casino promises to bring prosperity to local casino owners
TORONTO – The Toronto City council will meet later this month to vote on a proposed downtown casino development: one that supporters promise will bring vast wealth to the literally tens of …
Provinces replace Canadian history curriculum with Heritage Minutes
OTTAWA – A new curriculum reform across Canada will see history books and formal lessons abandoned in favour of repeat showings of the beloved Heritage Minutes short films. “Youth attention…
