TORONTO – After the Leafs’ loss in game 7 overtime, local man Tate Rae has told family and friends that he needs time to come to terms with the life-shattering event.
“It just doesn’t seem real yet.” Rae said. “You see this sort of thing in movies like Slap Shot or The Mighty Ducks, but you never think it’ll happen to you, in your home town.”
The tragedy occurred while Rae was finishing a bowl of chicken wings at a local bar.
“At first I assumed that everybody was just screaming in pain,” Rae said, “But it was so much worse.”
Rae’s girlfriend Mindy has attempted to get him to discuss the tragedy, but so far has met with failure.
“He’s not ready to talk yet,’ Mindy said, “When I tried to tell him that the Marlies were still in the running in the AHL playoffs, he just looked into my blue and white eyes and started crying.”
Rae’s case is not unique. Ad hoc support groups have sprung up all over the city, along with temporary medical centers specially designated for those with ruptured tear ducts, broken hearts, and burns from lighting their jerseys on fire.
At press time, the Toronto Humane Society had issued a statement asking Torontonians to please refrain from murdering specimens of the already critically endangered Ontario Brown Bear.
