HALIFAX – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney will meet today with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the Nova Scotian city of Halifax, where the two will set about turning the of Russia’s invasion by enlisting every last member of the famed Barrett’s Privateers.
The meeting, starting at a secure NATO facility, will proceed to the Halifax docks. “There,” explained Carney, “we will enlist twenty brave men, all fishermen, who, would make for Zelenskyy a Putin-smashing crew.”
While Barrett’s illustrious Privateers reportedly had little luck raiding larger American ships in the Caribbean, sources indicate they should have better luck resisting rusted Russian frigates and depleted infantry.
“If these Nova Scotian sailors can last for upwards of 30 verses of the song, they will surely outlast the weakened Russian forces,” noted Zelenskyy. “Soon, Putin will be the broken man on a Halifax pier.”
At press time Carney and Zelenskyy have made contact with the motley crew, and will retire to Pizza Corner to hash out strategic details.
In a related story, U.S. President Donald Trump will send 70’s disco group the Village People to fight on the Russian front after hearing “In The Navy” at one of his own rallies.
