MONTREAL – As stranded passengers celebrated the news that a tentative deal had been reached by Air Canada and the union representing flight attendants, the mood was tempered by the realization that they would be flying Air Canada again.
“Thanks to our negotiation we anticipate that by the end of the week our customers will once again schlep to the airport at an ungodly hour,” read a statement from the airline. “They’ll walk 3 kilometres to the gate where their seats will be called by a mysterious process known as ‘zonal boarding,’ then cram themselves into increasingly narrow seats where they will wait on the tarmac for four hours before taking off. We’re sure they’ll be paying $12 for a tiny chicken wrap by the end of the week.”
Some travelers at Pierre Elliot Trudeau International Airport in Montreal expressed similar sentiments.
“When I was younger, it was always a thrill to get on an Air Canada flight,” said Shelly Power. “But with constant changes to carry-on luggage rules and fees for flight changes based on some kind of class-based algorithm where the richer you are, the less you have to pay, it’s lost its novelty. Now I just load up my iPad with Love is Blind episodes and just kind of disassociate for the eight or nine hours it somehow seems to take to fly to Edmonton from Montreal.”
“I’m relieved the flight attendants will be paid for the work before the plane is in the air” said David Li, who will be flying to Hong Kong on Wednesday. “But if the strike would have gone on a bit longer so Air Canada would have had to rebook my flight on British Airways that would have been ok too.”
The Air Canada spokesperson’s statement concluded with a promise to customers.
“We know we let Canadians down when this labour dispute interrupted their travel plans,” the statement read. “But this we promise: Whenever the miracle of flight is diminished by nickel and diming service fees, delayed flights, lost luggage, and cramped, uncomfortable seats, resulting in a fun little adventure turning into an excruciating ordeal that any passenger dreads, Air Canada will be there!”
