MONTREAL – Air Canada has issued a statement on its latest scandal, calling the complainants “a bunch of pasty-faced fucks” who “couldn’t board a plane if it was parked up their own assholes” as …
Tag: Air Canada
Study: Best way to get rid of a body is to check it as luggage with Air Canada
TORONTO – A new study has revealed that the best way to get rid of an unwanted cadaver is to carefully pack it into a suitcase and check it as luggage with Air Canada at a local airport. &#…
Trudeau assures Canadians that airports will be fine once rampant inflation makes flying prohibitively expensive
OTTAWA – Seeking to ease Canadians fears that our airports are becoming chaotic hellscapes, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau promised that soon inflation will make travelling so expensive that…
Air Canada reconvenes meeting of the Four Elemental Canadas
MONTREAL – Air Canada, Canada’s largest airline by fleet size, summoned its elemental brethren to the Four Seasons Hotel Montreal this week for their annual meeting to discuss the affairs o…
Air Canada promises to refund tickets with your money
OTTAWA – After a deal was reached to provide Air Canada with a $5.9 billion aid package, a spokesperson for the company announced they would allow refunds for tickets now that they can use …
Impoverished man doesn’t have to pay back CERB after claiming he was a profiteering corporation
OTTAWA – A self-employed man on the brink of bankruptcy no longer has to pay back his COVID relief benefits after explaining to the CRA that he already gave the $6,000 to corporate sharehol…
Canadian and Mexican governments hope U.S. doesn’t notice tunnel being built underneath it
NORTH AMERICA – Despite being undiscovered since April, Canadian and Mexican officials are remaining firm in keeping the massive tunnel allowing travel between the two countries by going be…
Airline will no longer refund ticket holders whose lovers run to the airport last minute, with a change of heart, asking them not to get on flight
PEARSON AIRPORT – Air Canada has announced they will no longer honour refunds from ticket holders whose lovers propose to them at the airport last minute and then plead for them to not get on the…
Air Canada promises 100 bonus Aeroplan Miles to any passenger that gets COVID
MONTREAL – In the wake of announcing that the company would abandon social distancing efforts on its flights, Air Canada is attempting to reassure nervous passengers that if they do contrac…
Air Canada CEO claims company is too busy firing employees to refund passengers
MONTREAL – Faced with mounting calls for the company to issue refunds to passengers whose travel was cancelled due to COVID-19 instead of just travel vouchers, Air Canada CEO Calin Rovinesc…