OTTAWA — With Canada now signed on to the Trans Pacific Partnership, Canadians are excited to find out just how much they have been screwed.
“I can’t wait to see who got it the most!” said investor Chad Forelock. “Maybe it’s the dairy industry due to an influx of Asian milk. Or maybe the auto industry takes it again? Perhaps manufacturing. There are just so many options!”
Unlike their American counterparts, who openly debated the merits of the treaty through their legislatures, the Conservative government kept the deal secret to increase the surprise party aspect of the screwing.
“How many times as Prime Minister do you get to solidify your legacy of ruining the lives of Canadians. This is my magnum opus!” said Stephen Harper at a campaign stop.
It will take some time before the 12,000 page treaty will be read by any Canadian, so the depth of the screwing is still unknown.
“You thought there were a lot of Asian cars before, get ready!” said auto parts manufacturer Vincent Thompson. “But on the bright side, we’re totally going to own the Chilean maple syrup market!”
At press time, Brian Mulroney was seen crying at a table looking at his NAFTA photo album full of softwood lumber.
