MONTREAL, QC — There’s more to Brent Taylor, 34, than meets the eye. Capable of hating bikes when he’s driving and hating cars when he’s biking, he may be one of the most intriguing men alive.
At first, Taylor seems like a typical commuter, sometimes annoyed by the bike riders he encounters on his way to work. “Cyclists are out of control. Rolling through red lights? Riding on the sidewalk? If I did that in my car, I’d be fined a million dollars!”
On weekends, Taylor is an avid cyclist, and his truly multifaceted nature comes to light. “Drivers are out of control. Making right turns without checking for bikes? It’s literally attempted murder!”
Taylor holds similarly nuanced views on turn signalling. “As a cyclist, I wonder why people buy cars with turn signals if they’re too stupid to use them. As a driver, I can’t stand cyclists with their pretentious arm signals. Uh, hello, it’s commuting, not kabuki.”
Taylor’s dual nature has even led to him yelling at himself. “I was heading home from a ride when I encountered a car blocking the bike lane. I pounded on the trunk and yelled, ‘Bike lane, dumbass!’ Then I realized it was my own car. But hey, I was only parked there for a couple hours. And how hard is it to just go around me? Geez.”
Taylor’s wife, Lauren Smythe, 36, says she knew there was more to him on their first date. “Halfway through dinner I was like, ‘Wow. This fascinating guy hates everyone,’” Smythe recalled they talked until the restaurant closed, exploring Taylor’s many-layered opinions. “He ranted about cyclists going the wrong way on one-way streets, then went right into a rant about cars not giving bikes a full metre of space. Of course, my ‘no hookups on the first date rule’ went right out the window.”
When asked if some of his opinions were contradictory, Taylor took a philosophical approach. “Contradictions are nothing to fear. Is my car a vehicle or a weapon? On a bike, am I a vehicle or a pedestrian? Well, that depends on how big a hurry I’m in.” However, Taylor doubts the tensions between cyclists and drivers will resolve anytime soon.
“Cyclists are insufferable health nuts; there’s just no talking to them. Meanwhile, drivers are just dumb slobs full of hamburgers.”
Taylor says if there’s any hope for improvement, it will come from seeking common ground. “And if there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that we all hate e-bikes.”
