Toronto, ON – Metrolinx has responded to criticism of its project speed by adding Nancy Callahan to their team after her inspiring 30 minute walk across an intersection.
“Just look at her go,” exclaimed Michael Lindsay, CEO of Metrolinx. “That’s the kind of chutzpah we’ve been looking for over here. With Ms. Callahan at the wheel, I think we’re going to see a new version of Metrolinx…eventually.”
While Metrolinx has had issues with signal priority, Lindsay noted that Nancy completely ignores the signals at intersections, making her move faster than any of the current trains Metrolinx runs.
Nancy has been promoted to productivity manager at Metrolinx after arriving only two hours late for work, making her the hardest working employee at the company. Michael Lindsay has also put her in charge of signal changes and snow removal on the tracks of the Finch West LRT, making her responsible for addressing problems that anyone who understands year-round Canadian weather would never have.
“Callahan’s reaction speed to problems we should have already seen coming is admirable,” bragged Lindsay. “We see the snow falling, and it only takes 6 hours before she’s saying we gotta clear that snow. Very forward thinking in comparison to our other staff.”
Lindsay noted that Nancy will also save the company money by hiring her 12 year old grandson who, “…needs the work.” He’ll only charge five dollars for clearing the snow and ice, even though it will likely take 8 months to finish.
