WATERLOO, ON – A local allegedly grand piano has been revealed to just be fine.
Owner Marsha Jameson made the discovery this past week after sitting down to play the instrument for her first time since last Christmas. “I was just starting to bust out one of the four songs in my repertoire, Jingle Bells, when I realized – this piano is nothing more than alright,” she said, writing a big red B on a report card she had for some reason.
“It plays okay. It sounds decent. It stays mostly in tune. There’s just no WOW factor, you know what I mean?”
Jameson, who inherited the piano from someone on Facebook Marketplace who listed it as “free if you can pick up in the next sixty seconds”, went on an investigative mission to uncover the origin of the instrument’s alleged grandness. Unfortunately, she learned the piano was originally worth well more than a thousand dollars, that it’s not that impressive up close, and that it does not appear to have any known baby grands, let alone grand-babies.
“I just don’t understand how I could allow myself to be so misled,” said Jameson, who took three incorrect routes on her way to her interview.
Jameson went on to discover several other musical misnomers, including the fact that the French horn was invented in Germany, that the upright bass is not made of fish, and that tom drums are not short for Thomas Drums.
At press time, Jameson was attempting to return a flute she purchased on New Year’s Eve after learning that it was not full of champagne.
