NIAGARA FALLS – A recently U.S. proposal to demand 5 years of social media history from travellers has hit a snag, as American customs agents were wholly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of Peter Mansbridge thirst traps shared daily by Canadians.
The recently-announced initiative would apply to travellers from countries including France, Australia, and the UK, forcing them to surrender their social media histories to the U.S. Customs and Border Protection. However, experts within US CBP report that every Canadian social media account hey have thus far inspected shares, on average, at least four dozen sexy pictures per day of the award-winning journalist.
“I have no idea who this guy is, but Canadians cannot get enough of his distinguished features and kind eyes,” explained Hank Marshalls, a U.S. Customs Agent stationed at the Niagara Falls border crossing.
“In fairness, yeah, I’d hit that too,” Marshalls added, while forwarding himself a photo of Mansbridge in a tasteful blazer with no tie.
Across Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even Bumble, steamy photos of the former anchor of CBC’s The National are reportedly so prolific that they have bogged down U.S. Customs search algorithms.
“These hot hot Mansbridge pics are overloading our servers!” shouted U.S. Customs data analyst Jackson Werrs, as smoke billowed from a nearby hard drive. “This 5 year social media search was honestly just a pretext to harass travellers who’d made jokes about President Trump, but there’s absolutely no way for us to sift through the sheer volume of pictures of this respected elder journalist!”
Canada’s ambassador to the U.S., Kirsten Hillman, has responded to news of American border searches being stopped in their tracks by photos of noted Canadian “zaddy”, Peter Mansbridge.
“It’s a well-known fact that Mr. Mansbridge has been voted Sexiest Canadian alive for the past two decades, with an appeal that extends across all genders, regions, and age demographics,” explained Hillman.” “But maybe U.S. Customs and Border Protection should’ve thought of that before developing an asinine plan to snoop through every single tourist’s phone. Also, did I mention I’m quitting in the new year?”
Reached for comment, the current host of The Bridge with Peter Mansbridge claimed to have no idea of the trouble his warm yet handsome images had caused for the latest intrusive American surveillance project.
“I’m sure that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” explained Mansbridge, as he rolled up his shirt sleeves to reveal strong forearms perfect for holding a lover in a tender embrace.
“Now it you’ll excuse me, I’m preparing an editorial about… pipeline subsidies,” Mansbridge added in his soulful baritone, as Canadian internet companies reported a 2000% surge in social media activity.
In a related story, Canadian border agents intercepted a man who attempted to show them “sexy pictures” of U.S. president Donald Trump, before referring him to a nearby mental health facility.
