OTTAWA – Milton Smolyak, a “red tory” who has been rumoured to be mulling over a switch to the Liberal Party, woke up this morning with the severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed.
“I was having a dream about politicians working together to solve the country’s pressing problems when my foot brushed against something cold, metallic and father of the nation-y,” said Smolyak. “That’s when I pulled down the covers and let out a scream they could probably hear all the way in Kingston.”
“Also there was a ton of blood which didn’t really make any sense and I’m hoping wasn’t human,” he added.
Smolyak is the latest Conservative MP to be “lightly pressured” into not joining the Liberals. Others have had had their cars explode in the driveway, pictures of their children walking to school mailed to them and, worst of all, been told that all of the remaining Conservative MPs will yell ‘shame’ when they speak in the House after crossing.
“I have not been pressured into remaining a Conservative MP. I support Pierre Poilievre unequivocally. He is a good, strong, handsome boy and I…love him,” said Smolyak in a video released early this afternoon in which a gun is visibly pointing at him from the side of the frame.
At press time Conservative advisor Jenni Byrne was seen walking through Parliament with a hacksaw and a chisel.
