Danielle Smith is in the process of touring her ‘Alberta Next’ panels, investigating ways in which Alberta could finally get a fair deal from Confederation. Smith believes it important to renegotiate some matters with the federal government in order to limit the Separatist Movement in the Wildrose Province, a movement she in no way supports or champions. Her is our ranking of the 10 best ideas Smith has had so far on how to achieve this goal.
1. Carney agrees to use military force to ensure Connor McDavid never leaves Edmonton
2. Alberta gets to collect all the provincial and federal taxes, which it will then distribute to Ottawa and the other provinces less a 15% service fee
3. Instead of Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day, Quebec has to celebrate Bret The Hitman Heart Day
4. Ministry of Health to officially reclassify measles as a level 1 NBD (No Big Deal)
5. Albertans get to find out who won Amazing Race Canada one day before everyone else
6. House of Commons to be elected on strict rep by population rules, and also cows count as 3 people
7. CBC promises to air Heartland for another 30 years
8. Canada to build Alberta a pipeline to deliver its oil & gas to China by digging straight through the centre of the earth
9. A special Supreme Court is appointed that will have exclusive jurisdiction over Alberta cases. Members to include Theo Fleury, Kevin O’Leary (or a Dragon of comparable Conservatism if he is unavailable), Tamara Lich, the ghost of Ralph Klein, and whichever of Stephen Harper’s children volunteers first
10. Every summer one child is selected from each of the other 9 provinces to be delivered as a sacrifice to the Petroleum Gods.
