VANCOUVER, BC – On her commute to work, 30-year-old mother and elementary school teacher, Mya Diaz, sat in a wet seat on her B-Line bus, but reassured herself that the mysterious fluid was likely only human urine.
“No biggie,” said Diaz as she gently patted the seat of her pants, sniffing her fingers while being mindful to not actually touch her face. “Yup, that’s piss. Give that a go,” continued the former Lower Mainland Teacher of the Year, offering her damp hand to a colleague.
The mother of two young children insists she’s sat in “way worse”.
“Oh yea, for sure. If you don’t have kids or work with kids, you’d be surprised how often they leave their sharty underwear on places you enjoy sitting. Once, our golden retriever got into the Diaper Genie and spewed chunks all over my side of the bed. I’m numb to it,” she said with a notable vacancy in her eyes.
Calmly outlining her next course of action regarding her now soiled pants, Diaz remembered that her students would be working on a new art project in class later. “It’s way more comfortable than you think,” said Diaz, showing a photo of herself from 2021 wearing a skirt made of popsicle sticks.
At press time, Diaz had just been repeatedly coughed on by a stranger while she casually scrolled Reddit for “best throat lozenge”.