GUELPH, ON – Hey, remember Alex, that guy who always used to play the choking game (aka cutting off oxygen to the brain with the goal of inducing loss of consciousness/euphoria) when everyone else was like dude, that really isn’t cool? Well, he’s selling his air conditioner on Facebook, and the price is pretty fair.
“Yeah, the cost is actually not too bad- it’s a portable Frigidaire for just $150, which is way cheaper than any big box stores, and don’t even get me started on the local retailers who act like being homegrown entitles them to charge a major profit on ACs,” said Facebook friend Alison Shay. “Also the guy who is selling it, Alex? It’s that dude who kept choking himself in high school and asked us to read his LOST fanfic? Remember? He wrote that romance between Charlie and Hurley?”
Portable air conditioner sales have been on the rise in the past few years despite the widespread availability of central AC. One benefit of portable units is the ability for the consumer to choose a name brand product.
“In terms of a frigidaire, I know what you’re thinking. Why buy a large double double when a medium one spenda’ll do you fine? I personally just feel that in this era of climate change, things are going to get hot. And I would rather die cool and comfortable than sweaty and sickly. Sorry David Suzuki, that’s just my preference!” reported Facebook connection Les McKay. “Plus the guy who’s selling it, Alex? He’s the one who asked us to rate his “choke hands”? He insisted that the best way to address a group without referencing gender was “hey sinners”?”
Despite the once popular belief that second hand appliances were subpar to brand new products, larger and larger rates of consumers now report using websites like Kijiji and Facebook Marketplace to furnish their homes.
Former Grade 9 history teacher Lester Gazzola stated that most of his newly retired time is spent finding and flipping high quality second-hand products. “The choking game is dangerous, period. Most students figure that out pretty quickly but Alex was weirdly really, really into it. He was more into that than his Magic: The Gathering cards, which says a lot. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ll buy the AC. I’ll actually share the details with you, ok? In case anything goes south?.”
As of now, the air conditioner remains for sale on Craigslist. It’s described as mint condition but the photos reveal it to be real banged up. The cost? Just $150 or 15 personal photos of your hands gripping a neck.