OTTAWA – Reports from the Canada Revenue Agency shows its recent efforts to hinder tax evasion by the ultra rich had to be abandoned because the auditors couldn’t count as high as the amount the ultra-rich had.
“The people we usually deal with make 35k a year, so that’s how high we’re used to!” a bewildered Jonathan Franks of the CRA told us “But when in these audits we’re dealing with people who make that much a week! That’s even more money than my dad has!”
“I’ve never counted that much money,” continued Franks. “Even Shelly who knows the whole multiplication table couldn’t count that much. We just got so frustrated we had to go back to the office for a nap.”
Aside from having too much money for the auditors to count, the ultra-rich used legal but questionable tactics to mislead the CRA – Tactics like hiding the money in a tall cupboard, asking their older brother to hide it, and holding it behind their back with one hand while holding the other hand out and saying “see, I have no money”
“Our auditors can’t count that high yet”, Auditor General, Karen Hogan, said in an official statement. “We wanted to get the moneys from them but they had accountants that could count way way way higher than our accountants.”
“I told Mr Trudeau. I told him they’re not playing fair,” said Hogan while crossing her arms. “He said he’s gonna give them time out, but last time he he just ended up giving them a government bail out.”
When asked about any future plans to tackle the elite tax avoidance issue Hogan explained, “I wanna be a firefighter when I grow up!”.