BRANTFORD, ON – The queen of a local ant colony awoke on Mother’s Day to find herself bombarded with thousands upon thousands of cards from her children.
“Thank you, Anthony, that’s very sweet,” said the queen as she read yet another card. “Oh, and look, it says ‘I’ve got six arms and one big hug waiting for you,’ isn’t that cute.”
After being served nectar in bed, the queen began receiving 27,000 cards, 14,000 bouquets, 11,500 boxes of chocolates, 8,000 gift certificates, and one tiny luggage set from Albert, who annoyed his 60,500 siblings by trying way too hard.
“Now this one says ‘You’re a great mom and a great aunt!’ and then the ‘u’ in ‘aunt’ is crossed out. Thank you, Alan, that’s very clever,” said the queen, who had already seen that joke 947 times today.
Once the gift giving is finished, the queen’s children plan to take her to a picnic before shopping at a flea market, getting her a manicure, and then letting her unwind with a drop of wine while they clean the colony. The queen will also be able to enjoy a cleaning on six other days of her choice thanks to the chore coupon book she received from Audrey (Christmas and Audrey’s birthday excluded).
“Alice, I swear it feels like yesterday that I was laying you and thousands of your siblings,” the queen said, as she read her “Thank you for putting up with my pupating” card. “To think that you’ve been in my life for over three weeks, and that you’ve already launched an exciting career as a forager. Well, I’m very proud of you.”
At press time, several hundred ants were feeling bad for going in together on a bread crumb they found in a nearby parking lot.