OTTAWA – After a deal was reached to provide Air Canada with a $5.9 billion aid package, a spokesperson for the company announced they would allow refunds for tickets now that they can use your money.
“We had a very trying year with the COVID-19 pandemic restricting air travel,” the spokesperson announced, “but now that we have your money to give back to you, we can now issue you refunds for tickets.”
The near $6 billion deal was reached on Monday, where Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland spoke about the details. “This is a loan, not a bailout. We expect to be paid back in full, especially once everything settles down and they pay us back with your money by raising their ticket prices again.”
The deal also requires Air Canada to keep employment levels the same, and gives the government of Canada a six-percent stake in the company that used to be owned by the Government of Canada.
“This is an historic deal,” Freeland continued. “And we really appreciate you giving your money to get your money back, which will eventually be paid back with your money.”
The deal was decried by some Air Canada workers, who chose to remain anonymous.
“So they’re using our money to give them money, but not our money to give us money, but they give us less money than they should, but the government won’t give us our money, or tell them how much of our money they should give us?” Said one flight attendant.
The deal to pay a company’s worth of money to not buy the company is set to go through once everyone figures out how the fuck any of this makes sense.