DIGBY, NS – After being accused of racism for allowing white fishermen to destroy Indigenous lobster fisheries, the RCMP clarified that they can’t protect anyone regardless of race.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, watch who you’re calling racist there buddy,” said a defensive RCMP Staff Sgt Ray Smith. “The people of Nova Scotia can be assured that we’re going to treat these cases of arsons and assaults the way we treat all crimes: with shameful incompetence and passing the blame.”
Whether the victims are white, Black, or Indigenous, police claim they can’t see colour, and white perpetrators are literally invisible to them.
“We are consistent in every approach whether we’re responding to a robbery or an active shooter situation – we’re nowhere to be found,” said Smith.
The RCMP was quick to clarify that systematic racism does exist in Canada.
“Just look at all the hate crimes we’re not investigating.”
At press time, the Mounties said they always get their innocent man.