OTTAWA – Health Canada has put an end to the common practice by family doctors of prescribing ‘good lovin’ as a cure for a number of illnesses, particularly those accompanied by a fever. Health Canada recommends now that any such patients get tested for COVID-19 instead.
The announcement came after a patient named Eddie Brigati filed a complaint about a particularly confusing session with his family doctor. After the patient described his symptoms, the doctor said the word ‘yeah’ ten times, and then said ‘Yes indeed, what you really need, is good lovin.’ Several people acquainted with Brigati are now reporting feverish symptoms.
Only a small percentage of doctors regularly prescribe Good Lovin’, but those that do swear by its efficacy.
“Every person I prescribe this unconventional but effective treatment for, I never see in my office again,” says Dr. John Eltree of Surrey, BC. “Because they’re cured, I have to assume. If that doesn’t prove how well Good Lovin’ works as a cure for fever and heart pain, I don’t know what does.”
Health Canada has often had to step in when doctors start prescribing unconventional methods, ranging from ‘laughter’ to ‘going to see the great clown Pagliacci.’
“While we appreciate the doctors in these cases trying to think outside the box a little,” says Health Canada deputy minister Stephen Lucas. “Most of the time these patients need actual medicine, therapy, and especially in 2020, to wear a mask, self-isolate and go get tested for COVID-19.”
The case is similar to one in Ireland where Sinead O’Connor went to the doctor with symptoms including tiredness and chest pains, and had a similarly confusing encounter.
“I went to the doctor and guess what he told me, guess what he told me?” said O’ Connor. “He said girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do. But he’s a fool.” O’Connor got a second opinion and has now fully recovered from COVID-19.
Some patients have found that, under the new rules, their family doctors are at a loss when trying to diagnose and resolve their vaguely described symptoms. Robert Palmer of Scarborough has been waiting for several weeks for his doctor to “give him the news”, although he already suspects he will be diagnosed with a “bad case of loving you”, a common diagnosis that Health Canada still allows. Nevertheless, Palmer has decided to get tested for COVID-19 as a precautionary measure.