Guess what, Beav Babes? The annual list you’ve been waiting for is finally here! Every year we assemble a list of five guaranteed unproblematic hot Hollywood hunks that you can crush on, 100% guilt-free. And this year is no exception! We’ve crunched the numbers, scoped the hotties, tracked all of the news items of 2020 so far, and run everything through our Unproblematic Assessment Algorithm. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy some bangin’ JPEGs of these objectively hot, genuinely good, famous human men. Here we go!
#5: [ED. NOTE – REMOVED. See recently resurfaced blackface scandal. Please substitute or omit before publication. Thx!]
#4: [ED. NOTE – REMOVED. Posted an anti-semitic rant on Instagram last week. And remember what he did in that Pizza Hut in Vegas? Not a crime but I personally think it’s kinda problematic to use a bell pepper like that. Please substitute or omit before publication.]
#3. [ED. NOTE – REMOVED. Okay, he really shouldn’t have made it through the algorithm. The Bill Cosby thing was bad enough. But the Trump support? The weird flex about his wife making a billion dollars during a global pandemic? I mean, the guy is running for president even though he has no shot at winning. In 2020. Hugely problematic. Sub or omit, we can’t publish this.]
#2. KEANU REEVES – This Canadian cutie is a total sweetheart! From goofy performances in this summer’s Bill and Ted Face the Music to more serious turns in indie franchise The Matrix, Keanu delivers killer performances – all while never once tweeting #alllivesmatter. He even avenges a sweet doggo in John Wick! There’s never been a better time treat yourself to a back-to-back viewing of Toy Story 4 and A Scanner Darkly, because Keanu delivers BIG #HotBoySummer energy!
#1. [ED. NOTE – REMOVED. Confirmed transphobe, racist, multiple assault charges. Thinking we should kill this piece. Let’s set up a Zoom to discuss. In the meantime, please try to come up with 4 replacements. Maybe expand scope to include celebrity animals? Is Flipper from Flipper homophobic? Please check. Thx!]
And there you have it! The Beaverton’s top 5 uncancellable hunks of Hollywood. In these trying times, it’s supes refreshing to know that these hotties are 100% real, and they’re out there making the world a better – and steamier – place! Maybe the future isn’t so bleak after all. 🙂