EDMONTON – Recently laid-off Natalie Ramires has been evangelizing about the benefits of a fixed daily schedule built upon panic, anguish and despair during self-isolation.
“I live alone, so it’s really easy to become complacent and fall into a pattern of aimlessness,” crooned the 28 year old. “But with my routine that I follow every single day, I am able to maintain consistency! Which I tell myself is a sense of normalcy!”
The young woman begins each morning by waking up as late as she can in order to endure as little of the day as possible. She claims that the contrast between the “sweet few seconds before remembering that we’re living in a pandemic,” followed by “the stark bitterness of reality” jolts her awake better than any alarm ever could.
“I pour myself some coffee, maybe eat something, then I schedule about 5 hours to scroll on Twitter,” Ramires preached from her studio apartment. “This is panic time, so I need to funnel as much news into my head until I am numb to any more incoming and horrific information.”
Once sufficiently agitated, Ramires devotes most of her afternoon to agonizing about whether or not she can afford her rent and groceries while avoiding several video calls from loved ones.
“After that I set aside some time for daily physical activity. Yoga is great for centering yourself. I pull out a mat, lay down on my back for savasana and cry silently, letting the tears pool up in my ears.”
The self-proclaimed lifestyle guru continued, “Right before I climb into bed, I unwind from such a jam-packed day by staring at myself in the mirror and making faces until I genuinely scare myself. I have also been prioritizing grooming as another form of self-care by gnawing down on my cuticles until they bleed. Haha.”
At press time, Ramires stated that she had considered baking homemade bread while spiralling, but thankfully she’s “not that far gone into the abyss.”