Celebrities selflessly contribute to public morale by releasing insipid video for everyone to mock - The Beaverton
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Celebrities selflessly contribute to public morale by releasing insipid video for everyone to mock

LOS ANGELES – Much of the world may be on lockdown due to the , but famous people from around the globe are doing their bit to keep spirits high by making an inane video of them singing an overused protest song, allowing the rest of society to lay down their burdens, if only for a few minutes, to make fun of them.

“I’ve been pretty freaked out lately, everything’s so strange and scary and I’m not sure I’ll be able to pay my rent at the end of the month, but then I saw a bunch of celebrities ‘helping’ with this video and it immediately filled me with joy – specifically, the joy of feeling utter disdain,” said quarantined waitress Kyra Louis.

“It’s everything I want in an object of scorn: wealthy dingdongs comfortably ensconced in their privilege thinking they’re doing something meaningful but really just fiddling while the world burns around them. It’s awesome.”

Many are comparing the video to the star-studded charity single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” but that song was released to raise money for a cause. Members of the current entertainment gentry who contributed to this cover of an anthem about eliminating private wealth co-written by an admitted domestic abuser did it solely for the joy they knew mocking it would bring to the people.

“If this video had been accompanied by each millionaire in it publicly giving six or seven figures to a fund to help entertainment industry workers who’ve just lost their jobs, I’d feel really bad about making fun of it,” said mechanic Ben Cavanaugh. “Thank goodness they realized the one thing society needs now more than material support is a tedious gesture that accomplishes nothing except to remind us that celebrities are ridiculous and take themselves far too seriously.”

“And why does Will Ferrell look like he’s hanging upside down when he’s not hanging upside down? Man, this thing just keeps on giving.”

The entertainment world is currently working on several other jeer-worthy projects to help society cope with the current crisis, including an ill-thought-out fundraiser gala, the release of surreptitiously filmed videos of numerous Oscar winners being racist to their overworked housekeepers, and most of your favourite actors announcing modern medicine is a sham and encouraging sick fans to give offerings to the Greek god Asclepius in lieu of seeing a doctor.