OXBOW, SK – Reaffirming the community’s commitment to the oil and gas industry, a local Saskatchewan elementary school is reframing the story of Christmas into the miracle of Canada’s oil and gas industry.
The school had received complaints from members of the oil industry about previous productions of the 2,000 year old story which failed to include the importance of pipelines, fracking, and in-situ bitumen extraction.
“Unlike Jesus, the barrel of crude oil did not come from the Middle East,” said an apologetic-sounding school board representative. “Our saviour is Western Canadian Select and the only way to be saved is to consume, consume, and consume.”
The pro-oil production created by Mrs. Harlow’s grade 3 class features a drum full of hydrocarbons symbolizing the birth of the great messiah responsible for fueling cars, trucks, and humanity’s demise.
Some further changes in the characters were made to appease local audiences to avoid the perception that the play was somehow political:
The Three Wisemen who brought frankincense, myrrh, and gold have been replaced by oil lobbyists bringing political donations, attack ads, and fine Cuban cigars while shepherds who came to admire Christ have been replaced by corporate CEOs and executives who want to sell the prophet for profit.
“I play a politician,” said a proud 8-year-old dressed as a sheep.