Local woman maniacally reporting firmness of each grape - The Beaverton
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Local woman maniacally reporting firmness of each grape

EDMONTON – Medical professionals at Royal Alexandra are unsure how to diagnose patient Sara Rostami, a young woman who is unable to consume unless she is reporting back on the firmness of each individual grape.

“I mean have you ever crunched into a grape this firm!” swooned Rostami while inspecting a large bunch of green grapes. “Goddamn this one is even firmer! Where will it end!”

The 33-year old data analyst has previously held groups of friends, family, and even acquaintances hostage while she expounded on the quality of her afternoon . Rostami has claimed that she is unable to feed herself without doing so.

“My mom used to bring out a bowl of grapes for us to eat after dinner and tell us it was even better than , but I never really believed her until now,” moaned Rostami as she punched through a wall. “I can feel that sweet, sweet crunch deep in my bone marrow!”

Rostami’s boss confirmed that the fruit fanatic had let her frenzy enter her work life, saying, “She keeps singing ‘, , !’ to herself before and after each grape. won’t help me because technically she isn’t doing anything wrong, but jeez it’s a lot.”

After a week of examination, have observed a series of disturbing behaviour from Rostami including the pinching of grapes, biting into and then inspecting, and the continual muttering of “Good produce is hard to find.”

At press time, Rostami was seen sneaking out of the hospital with hands full of red and green grapes and more disturbingly, her pockets stuffed with perfectly ripe avocados and mangoes.

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