Life Hack! Destroy all semblance of happiness by turning your hobbies into barely profitable side hustles! - The Beaverton
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Life Hack! Destroy all semblance of happiness by turning your hobbies into barely profitable side hustles!

Hey Millennials! How many times have you caught yourself saying, “Man, between the terrible job market, climate change, resurgence of actual Nazis, and having no money for rent or basic necessities, sometimes I’m just too happy?” Well, good news! You can make money AND remove those last pesky shreds of contentment keeping you sane by simply taking your beloved hobbies and transforming them into time-consuming, back-breaking side hustles!

Research has shown that attempting to monetize pastimes such as writing, gardening and crafting has a wildly successful track record of not only lowering the body’s natural serotonin and dopamine levels, but making you wonder why you ever thought these activities were fun in the first place.

Enjoy sewing funky clothing for your friends and loved ones? Start an online store, where you’ll be at the complete mercy of that one lady on Yelp who threatened to sue you because you couldn’t make 100 shirts and ship them in five hours! Love making fun videos with your friends? Start a YouTube channel and be immediately torn apart by gross, racist pervs!

Megan Clarkson, a 26-year-old server who decided to take the soul-sucking plunge into business ownership, can’t say enough about her experience!

“Ever since I was a child, I’d always loved painting,” explained Clarkson, feverishly hurling paint at a tear-soaked canvas in order to meet a completely unrealistic deadline insisted upon by her latest abusive client. “So when I was struggling financially earlier this year, I thought, why not try to sell my online?”

“Now, I spend every free waking minute trying to keep up with orders, all the while being told I charge way too much. I’m utterly miserable, hate the thing I used to love, and have almost nothing to show for it!”

So if you’re a truly happy person looking to have their dreams crushed while ending up further in debt, consider switching to a career in the freelance arts!

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