QUIZ: Oh God, what now? - The Beaverton

QUIZ: Oh God, what now?

It’s been a long week! You’re tired, fed up, and the pizza you’re eating to make yourself feel better is weirdly making you feel worse. But after a long day of staring at a screen, it’s time to reward yourself by staring at a different screen! You head to your preferred social media site where you discover everyone is talking about… Oh God, what is it now?

1. What are the stakes of what’s going on?
Technically you could ignore this, but you WON’T.
This affects all 90s kids
This is of national importance, so you’ve read of couple of headlines to get the gist of it.
The human race is dying, but you’ll probably be fine
2. Why? For Godsakes, why?!
Ugh, I know, right?
I mean, really?
Who even knows anymore?
3. Whose fault is it?
Hollywood Babylon, amiright?
Online editors who only care about clicks, amiright?
Lobbyists, amiright?
Everyone else and definitely not you, amiright?
4. What are you going to do about it?
Gear up for a good, old fashioned cancelling.
Create an app comparing the cost of housing to avocados.
Absolutely nothing.
If anything, you’re going to make it worse.
5. What are you going to do to make yourself feel better about it?
Let everyone know you never liked that person anyway.
Make fun of a public figure so hard they leave Twitter.
You’ve already forgotten what this is all about.
The existential dread follows you day and night, no matter what you do.
6. How can you make this about you?
Call out anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on yet because they should have kept themselves informed
This IS about you
While unemployed and/or marginalized groups will be hit hardest by these changes, you’re hit second hardest because you feel bad about all this
This affects all of humanity, of which you are the most important representative
7. When will this happen again?
Next week
Next week
Next week
Next week
8. What will you do differently next time?
Delete all of your posts where you say how much you like that person
Ignore the issue harder
Feel more guilt
QUIZ: Oh God, what now?
Your favourite celebrity came out in support of a creep
Whether it’s Barbra Streisand saying Michael Jackson’s sexual needs were his sexual needs or Erykah Badu saying she sees the good in Bill Cosby and Hitler, your favourite celebrities have a way of saying things that their PR teams will tell us were poorly worded and not at all what they meant.
QUIZ: Oh God, what now?
Someone wrote a bad editorial about millennials
Turns out millennials could all afford the things they need if they didn’t spend money on things they don’t need.
QUIZ: Oh God, what now?
The government reduced funding for good things and increased funding for bad things
Those good things like education, healthcare, and infrastructure won’t get the funds they need, but at least the casinos are doing well. Did you know you can just walk into a casino and grab free drinks? You learn something new every day, just not necessarily in school.
QUIZ: Oh God, what now?
Climate change is destroying all life at twice the rate we previously thought
Yeah, we’ll all be dead this time next year. Time to trade in your air conditioner for a better air conditioner!

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