The New Year is upon us! While lots of us are sticking to our New Year’s resolutions to eat healthier, some of us are looking to start a diet that’s a little less demanding. But never fear! A whole new fitness trend leaves out the calorie counting and meal planning and cuts to the chase—all you need to do is take a good look at your reflection and tell it how much you hate it!
“Clients need a diet that they can really stick to,” fitness expert Joyce Warley told reporters. “And sticking to stringent food restrictions for months on end can be hard even for the best of us. But something as simple as taking five minutes a day to really think about why something deep inside you is just bad, and no matter what you do you will never be able to fix it–that’s a regimen almost everyone can make a long-term part of their lifestyle.”
“Plus in like 80% of the cases it has exactly the same result as the diet!” Warley told reporters enthusiastically.
The trend already has a number of offshoots, like the ‘Intermittent Abhorrence’ where you can be revolted by yourself as much as you want between 12 and 8pm, the ‘Caveman Loath’ where you try to despise yourself in the same way as our prehistoric ancestors did and ‘Hate Watchers,’ where you carefully monitor how much you disgust you by using a points system.
“Whatever version of the diet you choose, the important thing is to feel miserable. And you don’t even need to leave bed to do it, which is great because the diet makes it so you can’t,” added Warley.
Those who have tried the new diet have reported it as being “not super good for losing weight.” However, many subjects have added that they knew all along they were never going to be able to do it, so who cares.