Toronto City Councillors mark judge's ruling with celebratory squabble - The Beaverton

Toronto City Councillors mark judge’s ruling with celebratory squabble

TORONTO – A majority of Toronto’s City Councillors are celebrating a judge’s ruling against the Ford government’s decision to axe nearly half of municipal representatives by arguing over the small details.

“Today is an excellent day for our city and for democracy,” said Mayor John Tory from Council Chambers. “In the spirit of the decision, I’d like to kick things off with some petty quarrels I have with some of you.”

Councillor Mike Layton seconded the motion by accusing the Mayor of knowing about the court’s decision before it was announced and failing to inform the elected body.

“The decision has shown that the people of Toronto must be adequately represented and that the Premier was infringing on people’s right to freedom of expression,” said Layton. “But what are you hiding from us, Mayor?”

Demonstrating their respect for their constituents, councillors shouted whatever inane opinion was on the minds of the people they were representing.

“I don’t like the colour of green bins! Change that!” yelled a councillor reading from her email.

“What about the situation in the Middle East?” screamed another.

A celebratory, pro-democracy cake was brought into Chambers, but representatives couldn’t agree on who was going to make the first cut.

Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti was notably absent from the festive bickering and was later found jackhammering the houses of poor people.

At press time, Premier Doug Ford announced that he will be suspending all elections until the courts make the decision he wants.

Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!