Canada deploys 250 passive-aggressive peacekeepers to Mali - The Beaverton

Canada deploys 250 passive-aggressive peacekeepers to Mali

GAO – The twin rotors from the Chinook helicopters brought up red dust in their wake as the helicopters carrying the lead contingent of Canada’s UN passive-aggressive peacekeeping force landed.

Their mission objective: secure peace in this war-torn land by avoiding confrontation through indirect expression of hostility.

The special battalion responsible for Operation Okay, Fine consists of Canada’s best pouting infantry, snide snipers, and Gail from accounting.

“Some had their doubts about this mission,” said Lt.Col Jim Smike, the commanding officer. “But we’re here, I guess…whatever.”

Smike then muttered something under his breath likely critical of the mission, the weather or the sand.

Using traditional Canadian conflict resolution methods, the contingent hopes to bring peace to the unstable region by avoiding overt confrontations with insurgents if they can.

It didn’t take long before the 2nd Battalion of the Royal Canadian Eye-Rollers took on hostile fire.

“Oh, very mature,” yelled one peacekeeper sarcastically as bullets whizzed by his head. “It’s alright…don’t worry….we’ll just have to secure the peace for you.”

The peacekeepers tactics are already starting to have an effect on the armed belligerents.

One local jihadist from the militant group Ansar Dine was overheard saying, “We’ll attempt an ambush and they’ll just keep driving, but then we come back to our hideout and all the caps have been taken off our pens or our water bottles all put in the freezer.

Morale has been crumbling.”

Back at UN Headquarters, the group’s senior officers had placed sticky notes with obvious instructions such as “don’t kill each other” and “stop shooting” all over Mali’s peace plan.

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