ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.
The teens, operating under the name “Mystery Inc.”, were looking into Trump Land, a run-down amusement park the president had licensed his branding rights to. Locals claim the now-dilapidated tourist destination is haunted by an entity dubbed “the Phantom Clown”. The teens’ inquiry made quick headway, with the discovery that the ghostly apparitions were created using dry ice and projectors, but that was when the White House intervened.
“We see this kind of real estate swindle all the time,” explained Mystery Inc. member Velma Dinkley. “Some old crank dresses up like a ghost to drive away customers, bankrupt the business, and collect the insurance money. But this is the first time we’ve been stonewalled by the DOJ. Jinkies!”
Sources inside the White House report President Trump has spent months musing angrily about wanting to fire “those meddling kids, and their stupid talking dog”. Many have speculated Trump’s recent ouster of former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe was solely to justify firing the Mystery Inc. team, and to prevent them from looking too closely at the Trump-branded property.
On Capitol Hill, Republican response to the Mystery Inc. firing has been muted. House Speaker Paul Ryan argued that “the president can do what he wants, up to and including playing spooky clown noises to frighten away nosy investigators.” Meanwhile, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to answer questions about the firing, before adding, “Also, the Phantom Clown is definitely a real phantom, and not just President Trump in a rubber mask. No further questions.”
While packing up equipment in their floral pastel van, the teens could scarcely hide their discouragement. “Like, we don’t understand how he has the legal jurisdiction to fire us, considering we were never even hired by anybody,” mused Mystery Inc. member Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers.
Rogers then added, “Also, zoinks, he’s supposed to be the President of the United States. Where does he find the time to dress up like a creepy ghost clown?”
As controversy mounts, President Trump took to Twitter to attack the teen detectives:
At press time, the president has directed Attorney General Jeff Sessions to order local dog catchers to capture Scooby-Doo.