Recently tenured prof glad he doesn’t have to close door when he shits anymore - The Beaverton
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Recently tenured prof glad he doesn’t have to close door when he shits anymore

TORONTO – of Toronto psychology Jamie Pasternak is relieved he finally has and can therefore keep the door wide open when he drops deuces from now on.

“As a new professor you’re always a little cautious of being completely open with your views,” said Pasternak. “But now – after many sleepless nights – I have the freedom to voice my beliefs, develop unpopular ideas and evacuate my bowels unhindered by literal or systemic barriers.”

While Pasternak’s students say he is a gifted academic, after his tenure appointment he’s been spotted taking more and more shits around campus with the door open, leading to some concern within the university community.

“Last term I took [Pasternak’s] Introduction to Personality course, and that was pretty good,” said second-year psychology major Pamela Chaudhry. “But then someone asked the professor if he could please not take a shit right there in front of everyone, and he went on an hour-long rant about how he will not be compelled to behave a certain way.”

Pasternak has also begun uploading videos to a subscription-based internet platform, where millions of users pay a monthly fee to see Pasternak crap with the door open.

Pasternak has also topped bestseller lists with his recent book, ’12 rules for Taking a Shit With the Door Open.’

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