Local woman has hundreds of facebook statuses ready to go for celebrities yet to die - The Beaverton

Local woman has hundreds of facebook statuses ready to go for celebrities yet to die

CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of .

While she used to wait until a famous person passed to eulogize them on Facebook, Ms. Patel saw the 2016 death of George Michael as a major turning point.

“When George Michael died, everything changed.” she said. “I was so busy that day, all I could do was just write ‘RIP’ and share a link. My Facebook friends deserved better from me. When something like this happens, they look to me for guidance, I assume.”

“What if they thought I was happy he died?” she added.

From that day on Patel vowed to adopt the newspaper practice of writing obituaries in advance.

“I started the crucial of listing every living I could think of and eulogizing them in advance. At first I was doing it alphabetically, but when Mary Tyler Moore died I was still stuck on Anthony Anderson. I knew I needed a better way.”

Following this setback, Ms. Patel developed a system to determine the order of celebrities to preemptively mourn. Using a rubric of age, sickness, level of fame, and “it factor” she was able to determine a more efficient order in which to write her posts.

The results speak for themselves. Mere seconds after the death of Gord Downie was announced, Lori posted a 500 word status about what his music had meant to her. The post currently has over 2000 .

“I really nailed it with Downie.” says Patel. “If I hadn’t developed my system, I’d probably still be working on Al Jaffee – the guy who did the Mad Magazine fold-ins. What am I really going to say about him? I’m ‘mad’ about your work, so sad you got folded into a grave? Hmm… That’s good, actually.”

Ms. Patel’s success has only made her double her efforts. Some of her most noteworthy upcoming statuses include a heartfelt offer to talk to any of her friends about after Charlie Sheen’s upcoming death, condolences to Jared Leto’s family for his inevitable method acting accident, and a sobering reminder that just because he’s dead, we shouldn’t forgive for cheating on and stabbing a guy in the 90s.

Ms. Patel then received a alert on her phone and excitedly excused herself to “Make a few quick posts.” sends our thoughts and prayers to the families of whoever she was posting about.