CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, local woman Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of ce…
Tag: Beyonce
Beyoncé Declines Hillary Clinton’s Offer to Be Running Mate
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Beyoncé Knowles, known by her approximately 6 billion fans worldwide as Queen Bey, has reportedly declined Hillary Clinton’s offer to be her running mate. “It was sweet o…
Nation’s Rebeccas launch #NotAllBeckys campaign
TORONTO — The nation’s Rebeccas are outraged at being allegedly targeted by Beyonce in her latest album Lemonade. Released last Saturday, the album has ignited a national alert as the entir…
Mediocre man seeks perfect woman
TIMMINS, ON – A local man seeks a muse worthy of epic poetry, despite his average face and mildly boring disposition. Jordan Ronson, an insurance adjuster in his 30s, posted a profile on Ok…
CanCon laws force last hour of Super Bowl broadcast to be replaced with 1997 Grey Cup
TORONTO – The CRTC has announced that the Canadian radio and television broadcast of Super Bowl 50 will violate minimum Canadian content (or CanCon) rules and, therefore, they have no choice but …
Kanye West interrupts Pan Am closing ceremony to complain no medals went to Beyonce
TORONTO – During tonight’s closing ceremonies for the Pan American games in Toronto, the event’s headlining act, Kanye West, took to the stage before his cue to berate the Pan Am Games for …
Americans celebrate their version of The Junos
LOS ANGELES, CA – The American counterpart to Canada’s largest music industry awards show celebrated their best-and-brightest stars Sunday evening, with a gala event that rivals even the gl…