WASHINGTON D.C. — In the wake of several deadly mass shootings, including one in Sutherland Springs, Texas, GOP lawmakers introduced a substantial tax break on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ they tweet following every tragedy.
“America requires far more mass shooting-related thoughts and prayers than any other developed country in the world,” explained House Speaker Paul Ryan. “This creates an unreasonable burden on America’s thought and prayer creators – namely, Washington Republicans.”
“With 307 American mass shootings already requiring thoughts and prayers in 2017 alone, we lawmakers need tax relief now,” asserted Ryan.
The “thoughts and prayers” tax break was introduced Sunday night by House Speaker Ryan, during an emergency session of Congress. While economists have claimed the tax break will disproportionately benefit the top 1% of thought and prayer creators, it is expected to pass through both the GOP-controlled House and Senate with little resistance.
The tax break will provide benefits for ‘thoughts and prayers’ that are tweeted, given as sound bites, or spoken during photo ops following mass shootings. This represents a potential windfall of thousands of dollars, depending on how often GOP lawmakers tweet, and if they use sad emojis.
Asked if the thoughts and prayers tax break would apply to the actual prayers offered up by Sunday’s shooting victims, considering they were in an actual church at the time, House Speaker Ryan answered “No.”
All throughout conservative media, the GOP thoughts and prayers tax break is receiving unanimous acclaim. “You had me at ‘tax break’,” exclaimed Fox News host Tucker Carlson, “and if this tax break isn’t precisely the answer to another violent mass shooting, then I guess I just don’t know what tax breaks are for.”
The ‘thoughts and prayers’ tax break is expected to be signed into law by President Trump, just as soon as he finishes tweeting insults at Democrats who call for gun control.